Never to Have Loved
by PsychedelicCowgirl
Summary: Stu learns being the boss can have repercussions he didn't intend. Written as a tag to the episode Never to Have Loved because I thought Kookie deserved a little more consideration than what we saw.


"Kookie just left."

Stu grimaced at his partner's words. What Jeff meant was Kookie was on his way to a bar to drown his sorrows.

"As long as he's not driving," Stu offered. He didn't like the situation any more than Jeff did, but what was he supposed to do about it? Kookie had made it clear on more than one occasion recently that what he did outside of the agency, on his own time, was his business. It wasn't a fact Stu was going to argue.

Jeff sighed. "No, he promised me he takes his car home first. The bartender is nice enough to pour him into a cab after last call."

Stu nodded. For the last week, Kookie had spent every night drinking. Stu knew Kookie had called Jeff the first night he'd gotten stuck at the bar and he was glad to hear he'd worked out a better plan. Stu still didn't like it, but at least he didn't have to worry about the young man killing himself or someone else.

A minute of silence passed before Jeff spoke again. "How long are you going to let this go on?"

Stu raised an eyebrow. "What am I supposed to do? As I have been reminded more than once over the last few weeks, his time away from this agency is his own. As long as it doesn't interfere with his work, it's none of my concern."

"Interfere with his work?" Jeff came into the office. "That kind of makes him sound like he's just an employee, you know?"

Stu sighed and tossed his pen down. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Given the way you two have been tiptoeing around each other lately, I'm not sure of what I know. He's supposed to be a friend."

"He is. I don't like this any more than you do but I don't think any suggestions I have in regards to his personal life are going to be well received right now."

Jeff dropped into one of the chairs in front of Stu's desk. "Alright, what happened?"

"He got his heart broken. He'll snap out of it soon." That's what Stu kept telling himself anyway.

"I meant between the two of you. Maybe he did get his heart broken, but it's been broken before. This isn't how Kookie handles heartbreak."

"I know," Stu said softly. A night of drinking, maybe even two was understandable, but it had been a week and Kookie wasn't showing any sign of getting over this. Kookie might have been taken with the girl, but Stu hadn't thought it was that serious.

"I'm not trying to pry, Stu, but what did happen while I was gone? Everything was fine when I left. I come back three weeks later and the two of you can hardly be in the same room together."

"Those are his feelings, not mine." Stu was ready to forget the whole thing; Kookie was the one being stubborn.

"Okay. So what happened?"

"You know the story. We were hired to be bodyguards and our client was less than honest with us. The man we were supposed to be protecting her from turned out to be her husband and she just couldn't stay away from him. Before it's over with, the husband is dead and she's arrested for murder."

Jeff nodded slowly. "Is there any way I can get the unabridged version?"

Stu smiled wanly. "If we're getting that in-depth I'm going to need a drink. Want one?"

Jeff nodded and Stu got up to pour them both a scotch. After passing one of the glasses off to Jeff he sat back down and started the long sordid tale making sure he told Jeff about Margrit's penchant for hiding things and Kookie's rapid and obvious attraction to the actress. He paused when he reached the point where Margrit kept running back to her husband despite having told them how he mistreated her.

"Kookie fell hard and fast, huh?"

"Too hard and too fast. Not that I can say I blame him. She's a beautiful girl, and rather charming in a pit viper sort of way."

"So you figured she didn't need that much protection and decided to get out?" Jeff said offering his cigarette case to Stu.

Stu accepted the smoke and lite it before he answered. "It was a waste of everyone's time and money. Besides, we don't do business with people who aren't upfront with us. We've walked away from more than one case because of it." That was the way Stu had always done business and it was one of the first things he and Jeff had agreed upon when they'd started the agency; if a client couldn't be honest, Bailey and Spencer couldn't help them.

"I'm not saying you were wrong," Jeff replied, lighting his own cigarette. "But I'm guessing Kookie did."

Stu scoffed. "He thought we needed to give her a chance to explain."

"Right. I'm also guessing you'd already made up your mind and when you found some opposition you pulled your senior partner card."

Stu winced, remembering his overreaction. He didn't like being lied to, he never had, but it was rare for him to lose his temper. The worst part was he couldn't give one good reason for why that girl had pushed him over the edge, but she did and he'd been angry. Not at Kookie, just the general situation. Kookie, unfortunately, ended up in the crossfire. "Something like that," he said almost sheepishly.

"Uh-huh. Well, I can see why you wanted out," Jeff said studying what was left of his scotch. "Why didn't Kookie? He's always agreed that it usually causes problems when clients keep secrets."

"Probably because he was too busy. . . ." Stu stopped, recognizing his growing agitation. He took a breath. "He let it get personal. However, laying my concerns out in a more rational manner might have helped."

Jeff gave Stu a pointed look. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to. His silence was comment enough.

Ignoring his partner's reproachful look, Stu continued. "He got too involved and it clouded his judgment."

"It happens to the best of us," Jeff gently reminded his partner.

"Yes, it does, and it usually makes it hard to see the truth. At the time Kookie wouldn't have believed anything bad about the girl, so I made the decision to end our involvement."

"And you made that decision by acting like the boss?"

Stu shot his partner a look; he'd already admitted he could have handled the situation better. Yes, he'd been the boss. He and Jeff had started Bailey and Spencer as equal partners but both realized there would be times would someone would have to take the lead. Jeff readily deferred to Stu due to him being slightly older and having slightly more experience. Stu didn't particularly enjoy pulling rank and it wasn't something he had to do often, but there were simply times the occasion called for it. The matter with Miss Strom was one of those times. Although he typically didn't yell.

Stu sighed. "Anyway, the next thing I know Vengrin's dead and she's holding a smoking gun."

"How did Kookie take that?" asked Jeff grimacing.

"About the same way he took everything else that concerned her. He stuck up for her from the start."

"But she was setup?"

Stu nodded. "Yes. Don't ask me why but that was the one thing she said I actually believed."

Stu continued the story, including his impromptu trip to Sweden, the information he'd discovered there, and what he knew of the trial. By the time he got to the end, Jeff was shaking his head and looked like he could use another drink.

"That must have been rough for Kookie."

"It was. I went to Sweden trying to find something that would help her, but the more I uncovered the worse it got. And then I found out she wants to try for citizenship too."

"So? What's that have to do with anything?"

Stu raised an eyebrow. "What's the fastest way you can think of for a foreigner to receive naturalization?"

Understanding dawned in Jeff's eyes. "Kookie?"

Stu nodded. "I'd liken her to a black widow but she doesn't kill her husbands she just sort of collects them."

"You really think Kookie would have married her?"

Stu hesitated before he nodded. "For a while there, yes, I do. He was pretty serious about her, Jeff. At one point I think he might have married her just to help her out."

"I'm glad you found out what she really is."

"So am I. Although after having to tell Kookie the truth of the matter I almost wish I'd been wrong about her."

Jeff nodded. "Now what? She goes about her merry way?"

Stu shrugged. "The only illegal thing she's done is bigamy. That was in another country and one of her husbands is now dead. I don't think the government's going to be that concerned about it."

"So, she stays here, gets exactly what she wants, and Kookie gets to drown his sorrows."

"Seems a little unbalanced, doesn't it?" Stu said smiling grimly.

"Poor Kookie. Sooner or later a woman gets the best of all of us, but knowing you were played for a fool is a hard thing to swallow."

"Yeah."

Jeff finished off his drink and set the glass on Stu's desk before giving his partner another look. "You know it's even harder to swallow when you've disappointed someone you have nothing but the utmost respect for."

Stu looked over sharply. "Disap . . . . Kookie? He didn't disappoint me."

"Does he know that?"

"Why would he even think that?"

It was Jeff's turn to shrug. "Maybe because he didn't listen when you said you needed to get away from the case. Maybe because he was taken in by her. I'm not saying I'm right, Stu, but we've both seen Kookie with a broken heart before. Even if he was hung up on this one, it's not like him to look for comfort at the bottom of a bottle. It just seems there has to be something else eating at him too."

Stu was too stunned to reply. Was that what this was all about? Kookie thinking he'd let him down in some way. True, there had been a couple of times since meeting Miss Strom Stu wanted to give the younger man a shake and tell him to take the word of someone older and wiser, but overall he thought he'd handled the situation fairly well. Except for that one day.

Stu remembered the look on Kookie's face that morning and felt a pang of regret. Now that he thought about it, Stu realized he never offered any kind of apology for how he'd acted during that meeting. Things had moved so swiftly after that morning there hadn't been time and frankly after it was all said and done, Stu hadn't thought much more about it. Apparently, the same couldn't be said of Kookie. If Kookie did feel like he'd disappointed Stu in some way, Stu had no one to blame but himself. Boss or not, Kookie hadn't done anything to warrant Stu snapping at him that way. And then he'd left for Sweden without so much as a word to Kookie.

"Well," Jeff got to his feet. "I have a date tonight and if I don't get going I'm going to be late."

"Yeah," Stu muttered, his mind still on Kookie. If Jeff was right, he needed to do something about this and soon. Jeff was almost back to his office when Stu stopped him. "Jeff. . . ."

Jeff turned and grinned. "The Singing Rabbit. It's about eight blocks down from his place."

"Thanks." Stu jumped up and grabbed his jacket. Bailey and Spencer had a lost lamb out there that needed to know he still had a place in the fold.

XXXXXXX

Stu watched Kookie out of his peripheral vision while he drove his junior partner home. Kookie had spent the eight-block ride silently watching the city go by and Stu would love to know what he was thinking. Getting Kookie out of the Singing Rabbit had been easier than Stu anticipated. Too easy really, and Stu didn't dare think this was the end of the ordeal. Kookie might have been smiling when they left but it disappeared quickly. The wound had been festering too long for even someone like Kookie to let it go without another thought.

By the time he pulled into the parking lot of Kookie's apartment, Stu had no idea what he was going to say but knew the air between him and Kookie had to be cleared. Jeff was right, they had been out of sorts for well over a week and if it continued much longer it would start to impact the whole office. Sighing, Stu put his car in park. "Kookie . . . ."

"Stu, I . . . ."

Both men stopped and looked at one another. Stu motioned for the younger man to continue. "Go ahead."

Kookie dropped his eyes. "Well, I . . . I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" Stu asked genuinely confused. He thought he was the one who was supposed to be apologizing.

Kookie looked about as miserable as Stu had ever seen him. "I should have listened to you when you said the case was over. I let it get personal."

"Yes, you did." Stu wasn't going to deny that. "But we all let it happen now and then."

Kookie sighed, still not meeting Stu's eyes. "You knew, didn't you? About Margrit."

Stu shook his head. "No. I felt things weren't quite right and I was sure she was lying about something but I never thought she'd turn out to be the way she is."

"It doesn't matter, I guess. You were right and I should have listened to you."

"Maybe, but you aren't the first man to make a mistake."

"Sure," Kookie replied with a sort of half-smile.

Stu wasn't sure how this had turned into Kookie's confessional but it was time for it to end. They could sit here all night while Kookie beat himself up and if Stu didn't find a way to stop him, that's was probably just what Kookie would do. Stu hoped making amends would help Kookie see he had nothing to feel guilty about.

Stu cleared his throat. "Kookie, I didn't come here to extract an apology from you. I came to offer you one."

Kookie finally turned to Stu, his face showing the same confusion that had been on the older man's moments before. "For what?"

"Getting off the case might have been the right decision, but I should have handled the situation differently.

Kookie shrugged. "You're the boss."

Stu winced. It wasn't the first time he'd been called that, but there was a hint of bitterness in Kookie's tone that usually wasn't there. "That may be true, but I'm not the only man in that office. I have two partners whose opinions mean a lot to me and I've found I usually make better decisions when I listen to them."

Kookie laughed humorlessly. "You sure that's a smart thing to do?"

"Well, they're both intelligent men and better than average investigators. They usually prove to be pretty helpful."

"After the last couple of weeks, I don't blame you for not listening to me. I've already proven how easily I can get conned."

So Margrit did have something to do with this. While Stu did feel better knowing that part of Kookie's problem was a broken heart, he hated that the young man's heart had been broken to start with. The girl had clearly left her mark, and Stu wished, not for the first time, that they'd never become acquainted with Margrit Strom.

"Well, I've already told you what I think about her. Kookie, you aren't the first to read someone wrong or fall for a woman only to find out she isn't quite what she claimed to be. We all have those lapses in judgment." Stu had a long list of his own past bad choices and indiscretions he could cite.

"Yeah."

Kookie's tone was anything but convincing so Stu decided to swallow some of his pride and remind his partner of some of those mistakes. "Do you happen to recall a real mellow chick without a name?" Margrit might have played Kookie for a fool, but Stu's mystery woman had done her best to land him in the gas chamber.

The smallest trace of a smile came to Kookie's face. "Yeah."

"How about a certain family named Carmichael?" Stu would forever count that fiasco as one of the dumbest things he'd ever done.

Kookie's smile grew. "Yeah, Dad, I remember."

It had been a while since Kookie called him that and for the first time in weeks, Stu felt like he was talking to Kookie. "You don't have to relish the memory that much."

Kookie chuckled some and Stu smiled himself finally confident they would make it through this.

"As I said," Stu continued. "we all have lapses in judgment."

"Your point is taken."

"Anyway, I felt you deserved an apology. I had no reason to get so heavy-handed with my decision. I should have at least been willing to listen to what you had to say. We are partners, after all; I should have treated you like one."

"Are you sure you don't regret giving me that title?" There were still traces of doubt in Kookie's eyes.

"Kookie, I've worked hard to build my reputation and my business. When I decided to take on a partner I wanted a man whose goals and convictions matched my own. When I finally found him I discovered working with him didn't just help with business, it made me better too. When we offered part of that to someone else, we did it because we thought he would add to what we already had. There's no doubt in my mind that offer was made to the right man."

Kookie was silent for a moment and when he met Stu's gaze again, that Kookie smile was back. "Thanks, Stu."

Stu clapped Kookie on the shoulder. "Why don't you go get cleaned up and get some sleep. You look like you could use it."

"Yeah, I could. Thanks again, Stu, for everything."

Stu nodded. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Right." Kookie got out of the car and shut the door behind him. "Maybe you better call Jeff when you get home and tell him everything's fine. I think he's been working himself up to an ulcer lately."

"Yes, sir," Stu said giving Kookie a mock salute.

Kookie flashed another grin and turned to go.

Stu watched until Kookie was inside the building and cranked his car back up and headed for home. Despite the differences in personality and the occasional difference in opinions, the staff at Bailey and Spencer was the best. He couldn't imagine trying to do this with anyone else, and he wouldn't even want to try.


End file.
